Saturday Scripture Gold with Bibi: Marriage and Divorce According to Proverbs

Hello, and welcome to Saturday Scripture Gold!

Thank you for taking time out of your busy weekend to drop by!

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Kobe and Vanessa Bryant. The number of celebrity divorces and separations in the news have been plenty lately. Singer Seal and his model wife Heidi Klum are the most recent example, recently announcing their decision to separate after nearly seven years of marriage.

Shortly after the news, fans got emotional -- some telling Facebook friends they were "shocked" and even "devastated" by the break-up.

But is the fascination with celebrity relationships unhealthy for current and future marriages?

Seal and Klum were known for their public displays of affection, and renewing their wedding vows every year. But family therapist and author Dr. Linda Mintle says it's important not to be deceived by the perfect image of marriage that Hollywood can portray -- or the ugly divorces that often follow.

She notes that marriage is not easy, but divorce can be avoided.

"Here's the thing we need to recognize about conflict ... 69 percent of all conflict in a couple's relationship is not solvable," Mintle told CBN News. "So what is important is not that you resolve conflicts, but the way you talk about conflict."
-CBN News, January 26, 2012

I like Dr. Mintle's statement above, "...marriage is not easy, but divorce can be avoided." Marriage and Divorce are often very sensitive and often-misunderstood subjects, and rightly so. There are few topics that breed more confusion and deep emotion than these subjects. This Saturday we will try to take a "preventative" approproach to divorce by looking at the decisions we make (or don't make) regarding marriage.

Before we begin, let's clarify some points in order to give us some parameters with which we can work in order to avoid, or reduce the chance of divorce.

1. God HATES divorce!
2. He hates the process of divorce. (lawyers, court, moving out, etc.)
3. He hates the products of divorce. (broken hearts, broken homes, single moms w/ no $)
4. He hates the picture of divorce. (Ephesians 5 teaches marriage is a picture of the church).
5. He hates the pain of divorce. (children without both parents, sleepless nights, etc.)

But, in the end, God still loves the people of divorce.

We shall get much of our help by turning to the Book of Proverbs as our main resource. The value of Proverbs is that it provides wisdom from God to guide us in every realm of life. Whether it be family, business, social or spiritual relationships, we find inspired advice that enables us to walk in wisdom, "redeeming the time, because the days are evil" (cf. Ephesians 5:15-17).

Let's examine what wisdom the Proverbs has to reveal regarding marriage, beginning with "the selection of a wife."

For men, one cannot stress more the importance of making the right choice. Much happiness in life depends upon make the right choice (Proverbs 12:4). A good choice greatly enhances the life of the husband. But the wrong choice can destroy a man from the inside out!

It is foolishness to think that a mistake in this area can be easily corrected. Many think divorce can be an easy solution. But God hates divorce and remarriage may not be a viable option for the disciple of Christ (cf. Malachi 2:16; Matthew 19:8-9). Even when it is, if there are children the selection you made will always be the mother of your children (for better or worse!) A man needs wisdom from God in choosing whom to marry!

Many men out there are probably thinking, "Yeah, but this is easier said than done!" And they would be correct! Anything worth doing right IS going to be difficult. But the payoff is simply awesome! Let me offer, if I may, some guidelines for finding a good wife:

1. Seek help from God (Proverbs 19:14). Success in this venture may depend more upon God than we think! In view of the seriousness of this matter, dare you go about it alone?
2. Do not place priority on good looks alone (Proverbs 31:30). Beauty is skin-deep, temporary, to which you can easily grow accustomed. But it is a poor foundation upon which to build a life-long relationship. Sadly, most marriages are built on little more than physical attraction.
3. Instead, look for these characteristics in a woman: a) The fear of the Lord (Proverbs 31:30). Such a woman possesses the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7). Having a wife who is a devout Christian should be the primary concern; b) Discretion (Proverbs 11:22). This is the ability to do the right thing at the right time. Without this, beauty is worthless, and can even be the object of ridicule (e.g., dumb blonde jokes); c) Wisdom (Proverbs 14:1). With this virtue in a woman, a good home can be built, but without it, efforts by the husband will be undermined by the wife!
4. Avoid a woman who is contentious (argumentative)! Picturesque descriptions of such a woman are found in Proverbs 19:13; 27:15-16.

My grandmother (a faithful Christian who as a widow raised six children, and remained a widow for over fifty years), pointed out these two verses to me when I was younger: Proverbs 21:9,19. It is better to be single and alone, than to be married to the wrong person!

To be married to a godly woman, however, is a wonderful blessing from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). With the aid of Proverbs, we are more likely to find a good spouse. Now, the same is true for women in "the selection of a husband."

Many women out there are probably thinking the same thought as the men did above, "Easier said than done!" But I am here to tell you, ladies, that there are ways to learn about a man, such as:

1. How does he treat animals? This reveals a lot about his character (Proverbs 12:10).
2. Does he listen to the advice of others? That will tell you whether he is a fool, or a wise person (Proverbs 12:15).
3. What type of company does he keep? You might be destroyed along with him (Proverbs 13:20).
4. Is he quick-tempered? That reveals whether he is a person of understanding (Proverbs 14:29).
5. How does he make money? You will suffer the consequences of his actions (Proverbs 15:27)
6. Does he feel like he always has to put in his "two-cents" worth? If so, he lacks knowledge and a calm spirit (Proverbs 17:27-28).
7. Does he have compassion for the poor? If so, his prayers will be answered (Proverbs 21:13)

Ladies, see how the Proverbs can guide a woman in deciding whom to marry?

Okay, we know what kind of men to look for, but what about men to avoid? Here are some guidelines to help with you with this. You definitely want to avoid...

1. A womanizer. He will destroy himself and hurt all those involved (Proverbs 6:27-29). If he flaunts God's will before he is married, what assurance is there he will not flaunt God's will after he is married?
2. A quick-tempered man. You will become like him and destroy yourself as well (Proverbs 22:24-25). Men are usually on their best behavior before marriage, think of what an angry man will be like after marriage!
3. A drinker. Alcohol has destroyed many good men (Proverbs 23:29-30). Most husbands become verbally and physically abusive after drinking

Again, it is better to be single and alone, than to be married to the wrong person!

Putting all of this into perspective, among the most important decisions we make in life will be these two:

1. With whom shall I spend my life? Divorce and remarriage is not an option for the faithful Christian (Matthew 19:6), with one exception (Matthew 19:9).
2. Who shall be the father or mother of my children? This choice cannot be undone once the children are born. Divorce is a violent action, with long-lasting effects (Malachi 2:16).

Dare we make such decisions without consulting the wisdom found in God's Word...?Todays' message certainly does not exhaust all that Proverbs has to say about selecting a spouse, but I trust that we see that the Proverbs are extremely practical, and worthy of careful study!

(Note: As a supplemental piece of today's message, I have added the CBN newsclip from which I referenced in my opening illustration above. You can view this clip for a limited time at the top right-side margin of our main CHBM blog page! -Bibi)

Let's pray:

O Father, give us the humility which realizes its ignorance, admits its mistakes, recognizes its need, welcomes advice, accepts rebuke. Help us always to praise rather than to criticize, to sympathize rather than to discourage, to build rather than to destroy, and to think of people at their best rather than at their worst. This we ask for thy name's sake. Amen

Until next time...

Have a blessed week!

Bibi