Bitterness: A Marriage Killer! (Part 1)

A rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is--a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves.

Just recently I heard about a marriage in which the bitterness had grown so bad that the wife couldn’t sleep at night. This was only one of the many symptoms of a marriage infected by bitterness. There are many others. Again and again we see couples devastated by bitterness. It is a pity that couples wait until their marriage is on the verge of breakdown before they deal with the bitterness in their lives.

Bitterness, I believe, is the number one killer of our marriages. Many would object and say it is differences on money or incompatibility, but these people do not understand how bitterness is a root problem to these and many other marital difficulties. It is this bitterness which step by step separates the couple from each other and lessening their commitment to each other.

God wants to bring healing to your marriages. He wants to eliminate all resentment!

Part of our problem is that we don’t understand how He has already given us the tools to snap the intimidating influence of bitterness in our marriages through the wonderful power of the Gospel.

That little stone that God used in David’s hand is much like a special tool that God has given to His children to take down the threatening giant of bitterness. When we in our simple faith and obedience respond, we see God’s powerful love bring down all the walls of resentment.

If you could exchange a marriage where you merely tolerate each other for one in which you can't wait to be with each other, would you? There is no doubt that God created marriage to be a blessing for mankind. Both the husband and wife are to find great fulfillment in marriage.

The scriptures reveal many things about bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 states three things about bitterness:

1) Short of God’s grace (The mark of bitterness)
2) Root of bitterness (The nature of bitterness)
3) Being defiled (The result of bitterness)

In today's message, let's examine the first thing about bitterness, Short of God’s grace (The Mark of Bitterness). The second and third things will be discussed in subsequent blog entries, so stay tuned!

People can claim to be God’s and yet not have God’s blessing upon their lives. This is true with bitter people. Hebrews 12:15 says that some people come ‘short of the grace of God.’ Bitter people have withheld grace and therefore, God withholds His grace and mercy from them. Jesus clearly stated this in the Sermon on the Mount in the Lord’s prayer and afterwards emphasized it (Matthew 6:14-15).

Jesus talked a lot about forgiveness for it lies at the heart of the gospel. Jesus tells us of the man who refused to forgive one who owed him so little even when the king had already forgiven his much larger debt (Matthew 18:23-35). When we withhold grace, it will be withheld from us.

Those people who are caught in the net of bitterness think that they have the right to carry out their vindictive spirit. When in fact, Jesus clearly states that these people who refuse to forgive others are in great danger. We know these passages raise all sorts of questions about what does “comes short of the grace of God” mean.

Does it mean that a Christian can loose his salvation? Jesus describes their judgment in a very vivid way. We will leave it as Jesus did. He leaves us no doubt as to the cost of an unforgiving heart. The point is simply that in no case is anyone right to carry bitterness in his soul. We must always forgive everyone even our mate.

In closing, God’s grace will be held back from us as long as we hold it back from another. An unforgiving spirit is like withdrawing life and allowing death to set into our bodies. No wonder bitter people have the saddest marriages and lives on earth.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, there is anger in my heart and I cannot root it out. I know that I should calm down and offer the hurt and disappointment to You but my emotion is running away with me. Help me to overcome this weakness and give me peace of heart as well as mind. Let me learn from this experience and grow into a better human being. Amen.

Have a blessed day!

Sharon