Despite What Many Might Think Today...Marriage Is Honorable!

Nearly 40% of women have never been married, and fewer are in a first marriage, according to a new government report that takes a detailed look at first marriages and their chances for survival.

The data, out today from the National Center for Health Statistics, are based on 22,682 in-person interviews from 2006 to 2010 with men and women (not couples) ages 15 to 44. Among the 12,279 women studied, the percentage of never-marrieds rose to 38% from 33% in 1995.

The highest percentage of women who have never married was among blacks (55%), followed by U.S.-born Hispanics (49%), Asians (39%) and whites (34%).

The percentage of women who said they were in a first marriage declined to 36%, from 44% in 1982. Similar data on men were not collected until 2002.

The data reflect not only the "delay in getting married for the first time" but also "that more people are cohabiting," says Galena Rhoades of the University of Denver's Center for Marital and Family Studies.

Researchers consider the numbers reliable: "Of all the government reports, this series has the best methodology about marriage and divorce," says sociologist Andrew Cherlin, a demographer at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. -USA Today, March 22, 2012, Sharon Jayson

A practice acceptable to many people today is that of cohabitation before marriage; where a couple who intend to get married decide to live together first. In a poll on religion and the family conducted for Religion & Ethics Newsweekly, 49% of Americans said that cohabitation was acceptable.

Yet in the August 2005 issue of Psychology Today, there was an interesting article called, "The Cohabitation Trap: When 'Just Living Together' Sabotages Love" by Nancy Wartik.

Here's a blurb advertising the article: "Living together before marriage seems like a smart way to road test the relationship. But cohabitation may lead you to wed for all the wrong reasons--or turn into a one-way trip to splitsville."

The article first described the general reasoning behind cohabitation: That many see cohabitation as sort of future laboratory for marriage, and that living together will help them make informed decisions regarding marriage.

However, the research suggests something different. There is a very real danger in cohabitation before marriage. Now, before we consider that danger, let's first make clear what the Bible teaches about "THE SIN OF COHABITATION."

Marriage is honorable. The Bible speaks of the honor of marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Of course, marriage was first instituted by God (cf. Matthew 19:4-6). It symbolizes the relationship between Christ and His church (cf. Ephesians 5:22-33), and it also serves as a deterrent to fornication (sexual immorality) - cf. 1 Corinthians 7:2,8-9).

Next, cohabitation is fornication. Fornication is sex outside of the marriage bond. The Greek word porneia includes "adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc." - Thayer. Thus, cohabitation falls under the condemnation described earlier (cf. Hebrews 13:4). It can even keep one out of the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Galatians 5:19-21).

For those who respect the authority of the Scriptures, cohabitation before marriage is rejected on moral grounds. But, as illustrated in the above referenced article, there other reasons to reject it such as "THE FOOLISHNESS OF COHABITATION."

This suggests that cohabitation undermines commitment. According to Wartik's summary of the research:

a. "Couples who move in together before marriage have up to twovtimes the odds of divorce, as compared with couples whovmarry before living together."
b. "Moreover, married couples who have lived together before exchanging vows tend to have poorer-quality marriages than couples who moved in after the wedding."

One theory why this happens is called the "inertia hypothesis." Allow me to break it down for you, if I may. Many cohabitating couples get married, but without an explicit decision to commit. The marriage is seen simply as the next step in a relationship, not much different than the decision to live together.

Men who cohabit are especially less likely to commit in a marriage relationship. The hesitancy to commit led them to choose cohabitation in the first place. Therefore, the uncertainty about the relationship often continues after marriage. Wartik referenced a 2004 study by psychologist Scott Stanley that found "that men who had lived with their spouse premaritally were on average less committed to their marriages than those who hadn't."

In addition, cohabitation weakens the marital bond. Or put another way, the experience of cohabitation itself is detrimental to the marriage bond. "A couple of studies show that when couples cohabit, they tend to adopt less conventional beliefs about marriage and divorce, and it tends to make them less religious." says Paul Amato, professor at Penn State University.

Those who cohabit do not have the same moral imperative to remain faithful after marriage. If we are willing to sin with each other before we marry, how do we know we won't sin against each other after we marry?A successful marriage is one built on trust; such trust is stronger among those who fear the Lord more than they fear their spouse!

Finally, cohabitation can be injurious, or harmful to children. To children whose parents remain in cohabitation, "...cohabitation is not an ideal living arrangement for children" - Wartik. "Emotionally or academically, the children of cohabiters just don't do as well, on average, as those with two married parents..." - ibid.

To children whose parents cohabitate and then marry, if born out of wedlock, the stigma of illegitimacy looms. Even if born after the marriage, the parents' example of cohabitation will likely encourage the children to follow in their steps.

In summary, cohabitation is certainly no indication that one is serious about getting married. Many persons "...have different standards for living partners than for life partners" - Wartik. "People are much fussier about whom they marry than whom they cohabitate with." - Amato

The Biblical concept of marriage is that life partners and living partners are to be the same. This suggests that people do not live together until they are willing to committheir lives to one another. Such commitment strengthens the marriage bond and provides security for the children.

If you desire the best for yourself and your children, then follow the Biblical concept of marriage!

Prayer:

We thank You, O God, for the love You have implanted in our hearts. May it always inspire us to be kind in our words, considerate of feelings, and concerned for each other's needs and wishes. Help us to be understanding and forgiving of human weaknesses and failings. Increase our faith and trust in You and may Your prudence guide our life and love. Bless our marriage, O God, with peace and happiness, and make our Love fruitful for Your glory and our joy both here and in eternity. Amen

May God always bless you!

Patty