God Wants Us to Build Better Relationships with Others

Two men who lived in a small village got into a terrible dispute that they could not resolve. So they decided to talk to the town sage. The first man went to the sage's home and told his version of what happened. When he finished, the sage said, "You're absolutely right."

The next night, the second man called on the sage and told his side of the story. The sage responded, "You're absolutely right." Afterward, the sage's wife scolded her husband. "Those men told you two different stories and you told them they were absolutely right. That's impossible -- they can't both be absolutely right!" The sage turned to his wife and said, "You're absolutely right."   -David Moore in Vital Speeches of the Day

Seriously though, as Christians we will have times of conflict; sometimes with a neighbor who seems unbearable, sometimes with an employer, customer, or government official who seems overly demanding or unfair, sometimes with a relative, fellow Christian or even another church. The answer to handling these type problems is not revenge, hostility or avoidance of the problem, which is not a real possibility anyways. What does the Bible (our perfect instruction book) tell us about relationships?

The Bible tells us that we are to "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." (Romans 12:18) So our need and goal should be to know how to build better relationships. How can we do this? Maybe the following principles might help...

#1: Be proactive in avoiding future conflicts: Most people are reactive that is they wait for conflict to manifest itself and intensify before they do anything to try and resolve it. This is better than ignoring the problem, or resorting to worldly solutions (hostility, revenge, etc.). But, in many cases we can avoid conflict altogether by being proactive. We need to use godly wisdom to see potential conflicts and respond accordingly. This is also true when dealing with neighbors, employers, or anyone else. It is much easier to avoid problems than it is to solve them later.

# 2: Deal honestly with others: It is amazing how many conflicts are caused or magnified by simple dishonesty. For example, this is a common theme in Genesis, especially in the story of how Jacob’s dishonesty led to conflict Esau; and how Laban’s dishonesty led to conflict with Jacob. In Ephesians 4:25, we are told to “put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor...” The context of this Scripture passage deals with unity; so it again is showing us how dishonesty spoils positive relationships. In practice, this means being honest but kind about our feelings, situations, likes and dislikes, etc. Remember, your acts of kindness in the past can be very rewarding in the future.

#3: Be open about problems: Sometimes problems and conflicts are made much worse by not being open about the problems with the person who has offended us. We may talk to everyone else, but not to them. Often in our efforts to keep the peace we make things worse by not speaking up. This can be true at work, where we may not be up front about issues that are bugging us.

This may be the case with a neighbor when we’re not open about a serious divisive issue, or it maybe in the church when we are not sharing our real concerns in an appropriate manner. It is easy for people to deceive themselves into thinking that if they ignore a problem long enough it will go away. Unfortunately, problems rarely--if ever--disappear. The longer we ignore them, the worse they become.

# 4: Do not make assumptions about another’s knowledge of a problem: Sometimes we never get problems or conflicts solved, or come to a mutual understanding, because the offended person assumes that the offender knows of the problem. We act as if people have a sixth sense about these things, or we assume that our subtle remarks and innuendos are clear, when they are not!

Many people do not even know that they have offended you, or if they do sense a hostility, they are bewildered as to what the problem is. It may be obvious to you but not to the offender. We must be very careful not to take for granted that people are aware of a problem, unless we have directly and clearly articulated the problem, and its seriousness for us.

The take-away lesson today is this: there is no true spirituality without right relationships with others. It is not God’s desire that we escape the world, but that we put our efforts toward building better relationships. We can do that by applying the principles we learn in God’s Word.

Scripture: Proverbs 15:1; Matthew 18:15; Colossians 3:13; Luke 17:3; Luke 6:27; Philippians 2:4; 1 John 4:7-8;  

Prayer: Dear Father, please hear my prayer. I am facing uncertainty and worry about the future. Please grant me wisdom so I may make the right choices in the journey that lies ahead. Amen

May God be with you always,

Elayne